Priorities in Conflicts

A lot of conflicts remain unsolved because of mismatch in priorities of the parties involved in an argument.

Let’s start with a basic question: What is a conflict?

A conflict consists of a base question two or more people try to argue upon by presenting their views. Here are a few examples of questions that can generate conflicts:

“Is going to college worth it?”

“What kind of diet should we try?”

“How much should we invest each month?”

If you notice, these questions require context to be answered. If there’s no context, there’s no solution.

For now, let’s imagine a conflict between person A and person B where both the parties understand the context perfectly. They understand their individual preferences, lifestyle and are still arguing about a question.

In this example, let’s proceed with the base question of “Is going to college worth it?”

We’ve established that both the parties understand their scenarios yet somehow they’re still arguing on a proper conclusion to reach.

The idea of this essay is to make you aware how prioritization of individual preferences play a role in such conflicts as I think it’s very often ignored.

For person A, the priority could be college placement and monetary return on investment and he might say “I could get more money if I open a business instead of going to college”. For person B, the priority could be the social element of going to college and he could argue that the college experience, the networking is worth going to college for.

The priority mismatch is clear in the given example that becomes the sole reason of the continuation of the conflict. Usually, the parties involved in a conflict can present an objective view of why and how they are correct and we ignore how the person presenting a different view might have a different priority and hence, different opinion.

Understanding the priority of the person arguing with you can help you reach a middle ground quick. It can end up with “Okay, you seem to want money out of it so I think business can work out just fine for you but I prioritize relationships and for that reason, I’ll go to college”

With that, a conflict can be resolved. Understand individual priorities.