And Just Like That, Another Man
There was a point in life not too long ago where I let my emotions live under a rock. Zero expression, poker face. I didn’t take my people with me, didn’t let them in. Even my own family. I had a lot in me to think and talk about, yet I kept all of it to myself.
Until I broke free. I fortunately came across people with whom I let my guard down and I could express. It was a slow process, but I learned a lot. I learned that it’s quite alright. The freedom you get from being authentic is what gives space for you to be present in situations where you can focus on living, instead of feeling like you’re surviving in the heat.
I am grateful to some who gave me the space, and I’m grateful for my ability to decide to start talking more, giving birth to real and authentic conversations that were long due.
The essay, “We want men to show emotion. But not like that. Or that. Or that.” takes you through an interesting problem that lives in our society.
What is it that gives you the privilege to express?
Do you have to be competent as a man in all facets of life in order to express that a particular anime character broke your heart?
Vulnerability is often perceived as beautiful only when observers believe it is voluntary. The emotion stays the same, the social perception makes all the difference in how the world rewards or punishes you.
The space to be honest and expressive socially is contingent on your power that you hold over yourself.
If you’re depressed and let that crush you, you’re powerless. You’re emotionally poor because you’re not depressed out of choice, but out of necessity. Him crying over a heartbreak is him being weak and powerless.
A capable man, on the other hand, can feel and be open about all varieties of emotions because he does so from his choice. He has the upper-hand over the emotion. He can cry, but not let that make any tangible difference in his life. Him crying over a Disney character is him being vulnerable, yet beautiful.
It has an aesthetic criteria.
If you express that you’re scared, how you’re treated is simply a function of your capability to deal with your fear.
Linking ideas: